


My Muse

by Starlight1395



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Barista Jae, Brian is a panicked gay wbk, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Writer Brian, god bless Dowoon, internalized and external, mentions of abuse, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 07:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: Brian's deadline is cut in half, now he only has thirty days to write an entire book or else his contract will be void and he'll be back to working as a cashier to pay rent.At the little cafe, he finds inspiration in the quaint atmosphere and NOT the cute worker no matter how much the other tease him. Jae, the cute worker, helps Brian with his manuscript, causing the writer to fall even harder.What will happen to Jae when Brian stops coming to the cafe?AKA Brian is a writer and accidentally uses Jae for his story, falls in love and is mortified at how cliche it is.





	1. Chapter 1

“A month, huh?” Brian wanted to cry. The meeting with his editor had gone as well as one would expect, ending with her cutting the time he had to finish his manuscript in half which was particularly bad seeing how he hadn’t even started yet.

His first novel was accepted by the eleventh publisher he tried, and they adored him. The loved how he was able to bring realistic emotions to common yet usually poorly written subjects. They published his story and was asking for a sequel. That was published less than a year later.

That was almost a year and a half ago, and Brian hadn’t been able to write anything he deemed decent since then. He had tried writing a few short stories, but they felt slow and seemed forced, so he gave up halfway through each time.

Now, if he wanted to keep his contract, he needed to turn in a manuscript for a new series in thirty days.

“I’m fucked…” he realized, sitting back in his chair with a humorless laugh. There was no way he was going to be able to come up with an entire plot and write it out in a month.

He was going to lose his contract and have to go back to working as a cashier to make rent.

Brian closed his eyes and sighed, trying to accept his fate.

* * *

  
“See, isn’t this place cute?” Wonpil asked after they sat down. He knew his friend was in a rut, and he hoped maybe getting out of the apartment would do Brian good.

“It’s nice,” Brian admitted. “I like the atmosphere. It’s just the right amount of pretentious.”

“Sungjin hyung always brings me here,” Pil blushed and Brian decided not to comment on it, but tucked that bit of information away for when he needed to bully the younger boy next. “He gives me free drinks when he’s working.”

“Is he working today?” Brian wasn’t super close to Sungjin, but he was friendly with the older boy. He met the barista through Wonpil, who he met through his little brother, Dowoon, who had become Brian’s close friend in high school.

“Nah, but the new guy is,” Wonpil glanced back at the counter. “Sungjin said he was quick at picking things up behind the counter. Maybe this one will actually last.”

“I doubt it,” Brian said, glancing over to the counter as well. “They fire you at the drop of a hat here-”

Oh shit.

The new barista was beautiful. He was talking to a customer, his eyes glittering with amusement as he joked around with her. His smile seemed to blur out everything around him. He wrote her name on the cup and Brian couldn’t help but notice what nice hands he had - the kind of hands that were perfect for holding and for-

“Dude, you’re drooling.” Wonpil’s voice made Brian snap his eyes back to his friend, who looked more amused than Brian liked.

“Was not.” He retaliated, like a child.

“Yeah, sure hyung. Whatever you say.” Wonpil sipped his drink, looking away.

“I wasn’t! I swear I was just… zoning out. I got an idea for this book and I guess he just happened to be in my way.” Brian blushed as he pulled out his notebook.

That notebook never left his side. It was filled with story ideas and sketches and random lists he needed. It was the one thing that kept his thoughts somewhat organized.

“Already? See, I knew being cooped up in your apartment was bad for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” But Brian wasn’t listening. He was too busy jotting down ideas. They kept flowing, the plot of this story dripping from the tip of his pen like water from a fountain. Idea after idea splashed onto the page and Brian felt exhilarated. He put his pen down after four full pages were filled with bullet ideas for his new story.

Some of the points would be changed, and most would never even make it into the plot, but he had a skeletal base for what he wanted to write and that was always the hardest part.

Right next to character creation, that was.

“I have to head back, but I’ll see you around Pillie.” Brian said after finishing his drink. He was aware that the barista glanced over at them as he stood but he tried to ignore it.

“Okay hyung, don’t work yourself too hard.”

“You know I will.” Brian laughed and waved at his friend one more time before leaving the cafe.

As he walked home, he thought maybe going back to the cafe soon would be good for his creativity.

* * *

  
_“You never know when to be serious,” She complained, and Baron grimaced. “I can never talk to you about real things because you’re always trying to crack a joke!”_

_“Look, I know I have trouble being serious-”_

_“You think?” She interrupted him. Baron huffed and ran a hand through his hair - it was still fried from the last time he bleached it but he kept forgetting to buy the conditioner the stylist recommended._

_“But I have a reason for it,” he finished icily. She stared hard at him, her reflection from his glasses staring back at her. “You say I never know when to be serious, but you always seem to jump to conclusions.”_

_“Hey!”_

_“I think it’s time for you to go.” He said, his mouth turning down at the corners. The night hadn’t gone the way he had planned at all._

_“Baron-”_

_“Get home safely, okay?” He said, not giving her a chance to fight back. He offered her one last sad smile before closing the door in her face-_

 

“Um, sorry to interrupt, but we’re closing soon.” A voice broke Brian out of his writing. Frustration bubbled up in his chest - it was hard to get into the flow of writing but once he was in it, he could write for hours. Getting back into it when he was knocked out was even harder. He looked up, prepared to scowl, when he saw the new barista looking at him awkwardly.

“Shit, what time is it?” He asked himself more than the other boy, who responded regardless.

“Almost eight,” he said, playing with the fraying dish cloth in his hands. “We’ve been cleaning up but you were so focused that I guess you didn’t hear us?”

“Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Brian quickly saved the document and started shoving things into his bag, his neck and ears heating up. He hadn’t meant to spend than an hour or two because he was planning on cleaning his apartment, but he spent close to six hours in the same seat, sipping at the same coffee and he typed away.

“Hey man, it’s all good!” The boy grinned. His eyes turned up at the action, his glasses moving up his nose a little. Brian’s blush grew hotter. “Though I am curious. What are you working so hard on?”

“Ah, it’s a manuscript for a novel,” Brian said, rubbing the back of his head shyly. “My editor cut my time in half, so now I only have twenty six days left to bring her a full book.” The anxiety of the due date pressing in on him again.

“Wow, that’s rough,” The boy seemed genuinely upset for him, which made Brian’s chest flutter a little. “How far in are you?”

“Not far… maybe a quarter of the way? I’m having trouble fleshing out the main plot without making it obvious.”

“I work again tomorrow, and it normally gets slow around three,” The boy said, quickly wiping the table without looking at Brian. “If you wanted to come in, you could bounce ideas off of me. I know sometimes brainstorming with a fresh perspective can help.”

“Um, y-yeah that sounds good,” Brian stuttered, his eyes widening. “I’m Brian, by the way.”

“Brian?” The boy seemed almost confused, which was a pretty normal reaction. Most people didn’t go by English names there.

“Well, my real name is Kang Younghyun, but I picked Brian when I studied abroad and it just kinda stuck. Plus, everyone calls me that already so it’s just easier to introduce myself that way” Brian felt the blush creeping from his neck to his face. What was he rambling on about?

“I’m Park Jaehyung, but I usually go by Jae,” He grinned again. “Born and raised in LA.”

“It’s nice to meet you Jae.” Brian felt some of the tension leave his shoulders.

“Nice to meet you too, Bri Bri.”

“I’ll- um, see you tomorrow.” Brian could feel his brain short circuiting at the new nickname. Jae beamed.

“See ya tomorrow.” He said before quickly turning to finish wiping the table. Brian could hear the American accent after Jae had mentioned growing up in LA. He made a mental note to use that somewhere with one of his characters.

He thought it was cute.

He smiled and nodded again before scrambling from the cafe towards the safety of his apartment. He barely even noticed the walk back. By the time he locked the door behind him, Brian just managed to convince himself that his heart was beating fast because of the trip back and nothing else.

Putting his bag down, he looked around his apartment and sighed. It wasn’t… messy, per say, but it was crowded which he could easily fix with some organization that he never felt like doing. He sighed again and pulled out his phone, tapping on the right contact.

“ Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning?” Dowoon said the instant he picked up.

“Hello to you too. I’m good, thank you for asking.” Brian teased, laying down fully. Dowoon sighed heavily and Brian could hear shuffling on the other side of the call.

“I’ll be over in ten minutes hyung,” He said, still shuffling around. “I’ll pick up snacks on the way because I know your fridge is always empty.”

“You’re an angel Dowoonie.” Brain grinned despite knowing his friend wouldn’t be able to see it.

“I know, and you’re a pain,” Dowoon snickered. “I’ll be there soon.”

Twenty minutes later, Dowoon was shoving his way through Brian’s front door with a bag of food and a smirk.

“You can wipe that look right off your face.” Brian said before even greeting his friend properly.

“What look?” Dowoon’s smug face grew.

“The one that makes me feel bad about how lazy I am.” He pouted, taking the container of noodles from the younger boy.

“No judging here hyung,” Dowoon plopped down on the couch next to him. “We can eat and I’ll help you organize.”

“You’re a doll.” Brian sighed into his food.

“So, tell me about your crush.” Dowoon said casually, causing Brian to choke on his noodles. After several moments where Brian wasn’t sure he would make it, the coughing subsided and he blinked at his friend owlishly.

“What crush?” He asked, sounding strained.

“Hyung told me about how you’ve been hanging out at the cafe recently. Said it was because the cute new worker caught your eye.”

“No- that’s not it,” Brian didn’t know why he was blushing. He didn’t have a crush on Jae, really! “I just… the atmosphere is calming and it helps me focus on my writing.”

“Oh yeah, how’s the book coming along?”

“About as good as you’d expect,” Brian put his food on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m nowhere close to where I need to be and this deadline is giving me nightmares.”

“Tell me about it.” Dowoon suggested as he started digging through one of the piles. He held up a book and Brian shook his head, so the book went into the give away box.

“Well, it’s about Baron, a college student who has trouble connecting with people because he’s standoffish and cold but it’s not because he’s an asshole, it’s because he had a bad relationship with his dad and is afraid to let anyone get close. The main plot is that he’s a performing arts major, and he has this big show that he got the lead for, but instead of falling for his female counterpart, he starts to fall in love with the guy that plays his antagonist.”

“Hyung… how much of this is based on something true?” Dowoon asked quietly, not looking up from his pile.

Brian froze.

“I don’t know what you mean.” he said quickly to hide the panic building in his chest. Dowoon sighed.

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it but we can all tell something is wrong. All your stories are about someone going through emotional turmoil. You never want to visit home and make any excuse to avoid your family. You don’t have to hide anything from us hyung. We want to support you but we can’t if you keep pushing us away.”

“It’s fine Dowoon,” Brian’s chest felt tight. “I’m just working through some stuff. I’ll tell you one day.”

“Alright… just remember that you’re not alone okay?”

“I won’t.” Brian smiled at the younger boy, who seemed satisfied. They turned back to their piles and continued their organizing, the give away box getting more and more filled as time went on. Eventually, they were almost done and Brian groaned loudly.

“That’s it. We’re done.” he said tiredly.

“But we’re so close to being done for real.” Dowoon looked amused.

“Which means it’ll be easier to finish later.” The elder grinned. Dowoon rolled his eyes but smiled back and went to sit on the couch next to his friend.

“Hey, describe your main character to me. I wanna see if I can draw him.” Dowoon was the one that did all the concept art for his previous books. He was going to school for art, and used colored pencil and acrylic as his medium whenever he could, though he was fairly decent with graphite as well.

“Well, he’s tall and lanky,” Brian pictured his character in his mind. He smiled fondly to himself. “His hair is blond but the roots are growing in because he keeps forgetting to get them touched up. He wears glasses for the aesthetic of it and switches between a few pairs but only one pair actually have lenses. His favorites are round wire rimmed because they made him feel like an old-timey scholar. His eyes are a little small but his smile is wide and warm. People always say his smile is what attracted them to him.”

Dowoon didn’t question how detailed the description was. Brian did a lot of character development before even starting to write. He likes having a whole portfolio for a character because seeing someone out of character in another published work pissed him off to no end. Dowoon scribbled away before snickering a little.

“Does he have any real life influence?” Dowoon asked almost cheekily.

“No? I just… thought him up.”

“Huh, what a coincidence then.” Dowoon turned the paper around and Brian choked.

The man Dowoon had drawn was a little different, but anyone with eyes could tell it was Jae. In the drawing, his nose was a little too small, and his hair a little too long, but his smile seemed to be taken from a photo of the other man.

“Well shit…” Brian whispered as his face warmed. He could never go back to that cafe again.

Brian remembered he promised to meet Jae the next day and felt himself pale. How was he going to be able to talk about his story when he accidentally made Jae himself the main character?

“You’ll figure something out.” Dowoon said before taking the last bite of Brian’s food.

“Did I say that out loud?” His embarrassment growing.

“No, but I know you well enough by now to know you’re stressing over that barista.”

“Oh my god…” Brian felt something click. “Oh my god! Fuck, Dowoon!”

“Are you alright?” The younger sat up, looking at his friend with concern. All the mocking in his voice was gone at the sudden horror in Brian’s voice.

“Shit… I have a crush on Jae.” Brian whispered, covering his face with his hands. Dowoon blinked before bursting out in laughter, doubling over as Brian yelled at him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jae hid a smile. He wouldn’t admit to anyone, but he was counting down the seconds to three. He had finally gotten the name of the cute guy that sat in the corner of the cafe everyday, and he was planning on learning a lot more about him.

Brian being a writer was interesting to Jae. From first glance, Brian seemed like the type to ride a motorcycle and rescue kittens in the rain with his distressed leather jacket and ripped jeans, though the more Jae watched Brian out of the corner of his eye, the more he realized the distress of the jacket was from years and years of wear and the ripped jeans weren’t bought that way.

The overhead bell rang and Jae’s head snapped up. Only a few weeks at this job and he was already trained to respond to a bell like one of Pavlov’s dogs, he realized with a spike of frustration.

His brief irritation was instantly erased when he saw who opened the door. Brian was standing there, hair dripping wet and his backpack safely tucked under his jacket to keep it from getting wet. He made direct eye contact with Jae and instantly flushed bright red. Jae chuckled at how cute he was.

“Brian! We meet again at long last.” Jae grinned as he went over to the table that Brian subconsciously went to every day.

“Bet you’ve been lamenting my distance.” he snickered, his pointed eyes turning up as he shook out his soaked hair and Jae’s heart did a strange thing at the sight.

“I really have been,” the blond slid into the seat across from him. “What else am I supposed to do when my handsome regular isn’t here?”

“H-handsome-” Brian choked on air, flushing even redder. Jae grinned wider. So it wasn’t a one sided thing, he was glad to realize. He had worried that his attraction to the writer wasn’t the same back, but seeing how Brian almost died at the compliment, it was safe to assume Brian liked him back.

Jae preened at the fact, like a cat that found the treats.

“I can’t take my break for a little while, but if you want to email me what you have so far, I can read it when I’m supposed to be working. It’s been slow as hell today but it looks good to have someone behind the counter so I can read and pretend to be excited to make my fifth caramel machiatto of the day.”

“And you won’t get in trouble?” Brain asked, not wanting to be the reason Jae got fired.

“Pft, as if Jinnie would dare fire his hyung.” Jae let out a barking laugh and Brian blanked.

“Jinnie?”

“Sungjin? I thought you knew each other.” Jae looked at Brian curiously, who had suddenly gotten silent.

“You’re Sungjin’s hyung?” he squeaked, the situation finally settling in. Jae fought back another chuckle at how flustered the man across from him was.

“Only by a year.”

“Oh thank god…” Brian breathed. He remembered when he first met Sungjin and the older boy somehow convinced him he was two years older than Brian. He spent almost three months calling him hyung until Wonpil called him out. Part of Brian keeps forgetting that Sungjin is only a few months older rather than a few years.

“What, did you think I was some sort of creepy old man?” Jae questioned playfully.

“N-no!” he instantly said, shaking his head. “I just… you don’t look older than me! I thought we were the same age.”

“I get that alot,” God Jae’s smile was so, so pretty. “It’s these killer good looks.”

“I’d say.” Brian muttered, pulling out his computer and logging in.

“What was that?”

“I said I bet you get in trouble a lot.” He covered poorly.

“Sure, that’s what you said,” Jae’s grin turned from happy to sly. He raised one eyebrow and Brain’s heart jumped. “And no, I don’t get in trouble because I’m a good kid who never, ever, does anything bad ever.”

“Now that really is hard to believe,” Brian snorts. “You’ve been talking to me the entire time I’ve been here, ignoring your job. That doesn’t seem like something someone who has never, ever done anything bad ever would do.”

“Well- shit!” Jae was about to retort when he saw a customer standing at the counter, looking at the menu but biting back a smirk as he listened in on their conversation. Jae sprinted back to the register to take his order and Brian couldn’t help but admire how long and lean his legs were as he scrambled away.

Brian went to email his document to Jae but realized he never gave the writer any contact information. He waited until the customer was happily seated on the other side of the cafe before going up to the counter.

“Can I help you sir?” Jae asked cheekily.

“Yes, can I can your email?” Brain winked cheesily and Jae fought back a snicker.

“Right, it would be helpful if I actually gave it to you.” For the first time, Jae actually looked flustered. Brian decided he liked seeing flustered Jae. The blond quickly wrote it down on a napkin, along with something else. Brain took the napkin with a thanks and a wink before going back to his seat. Only after sitting down did he realize Jae had included a phone number with the email.

Two points Jae, one point Brian.

He quickly emailed the draft to Jae, who shot him a thumbs up when he got it. Brian smiled back and started wasting some time. He didn’t want to work anymore before Jae caught up, not that he had any ideas to continue with even if he wanted to. He answered some emails, shot back a few messages on various social media, and glanced up at Jae every two seconds. Most of the time when he looked up, the other man was looking at his phone with extreme concentration.

Brian admired how his eyebrows scrunched a little as he read. Jae was expressive even with reading. He smirked, frowned, raised his eyebrows, shook his head a little as he went along, and Brian could almost match which part of the story he was reading to his reactions. It only took Jae thirty five minutes to finish what Brian had sent him, including the times he had to stop to help customers, which said something about how fucked Brian was.

Jae’s coworker, Jaehwan, came in and Jae instantly jumped to rip his apron off and sit with Brian.

“Okay, so first of all I hate Samantha,” Jae said the instant his ass touched the seat. “She’s so vapid and dense.”

“Well, you’re supposed to hate her at first,” Brian smiled. He hadn’t expected Jae to be so eager to talk about his characters. It made his chest warm. “She grew up privileged. She doesn’t understand why Baron is the way he is, but by the end she’ll understand a little better.”

“Please don’t tell me they end up together…” Jae groaned and rested his chin on the table. He looked up at Brian with a pout and Brian forgot what words were for a moment.

“Um… yeah, no they don’t,” He stuttered out, trying not to blush when Jae grinned at the news. “He falls for… someone else.”

“I’ll kiss you right now if you say it’s Lou.” Jae’s eyes were sparkling and if this were a cartoon, steam would be shooting out of Brian’s ears.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer someday, but yeah it’s Lou.”

“Fuck yeah! We love the gays.” Jae needed to stop smiling like that. It was bad for Brian’s health.

“But now I’m stuck. Baron doesn’t realize he’s gay yet, but I don’t want to just write a random revelation. I want to build up to it but I’m honestly out of ideas that aren’t cliche and overused.” Brian frowned, his anxieties coming back. Twenty five days and counting, and the small page number in the corner of his document seemed to be mocking him.

“Hmm, well if you want something that no one really talks about, you could always have a girl try to pressure him into sex when he’s drunk and have Lou save him? That would bring up the topic of a girl raping a guy, and also give Baron a chance to realize he feels something for Lou. Even if he doesn’t know when he’s sober, being drunk makes you feel things you normally wouldn’t. I realized I was bi when I was drunk,” Jae said easily, as if talking about sexuality was the most natural thing in the world. “Remind me to tell you that story one day. It’s funny as hell but kinda long.”

“Jae that….” Brian was speechless. Never would he have thought of that on his own, but it was perfect. It was exactly the sort of thing he wanted to bring attention to - exactly the sort of thing his editor picked him out of hundreds of other manuscripts for. “That’s perfect oh my god.”  
Jae’s eyes widened slightly. Brian was beaming at him and Jae wasn’t prepared for just how beautiful he was. The younger seemed to glow with relief and excitement, leaning forward and bouncing slightly.

Jae was whipped.

“Thank you.” He whispered, pulling Jae from his gay panic.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because that’s what I needed!” he exclaimed with a laugh. “It all works now! The rest of the plot works! God, that was the piece I needed! I could kiss you right now.”

“Why don’t you?” Jae asked before realizing what he was doing. The two fell into an abrupt silence, both sporting mirroring blushes.

“Because you’re still at work, technically,” Brian coughed, looking away. “And you could get in trouble.

“That wasn’t a no.” Jae felt steam rising from his head. Fuck, Brian was so cute he was going to die.

“Jae! Breaks over, please come help me!” Jaehwan called over. Jae looked back and realized for the first time that there was actually a line.

“Text me later, okay?” Jae winked at Brian as he went back to his frazzed friend. Brian just nodded, breathless.

* * *

  
Brian went back to the cafe everyday. The deadline didn’t scare him nearly as much now that he had Jae on his team. He was making crazy progress, and it almost scared him how motivated he was to keep going. He switched the document from word to a google doc and let Jae be an editor. Every morning, Brian would wake up to new notes on the margins of the document. They were rarely the kind of notes that his editor made - corrections and comments on the consistency of the plot - but rather little exclamations that Jae probably said out loud then wrote down for Brian to read.

Waking up had become Brian’s second favorite thing to do, right next to going to the cafe.

“What’s this?” Brian was surprised when Jae placed a little cake in front of him. “I didn’t order- wait, does you even have little cakes like this?”

“Well, technically no,” Jae admitted as he slid into the seat next to Brian rather than his usual seat across from him. “But it’s a special day.”

“It is?”

“It’s the last day before your manuscript is due,” Jae smiled softly and Brian felt every intelligent thing he possibly could say fly out of his head. “And I wanted to celebrate! You’ve worked so hard.”

“You remembered?” Really Brian? That’s the best you could come up with?

“Of course I did!” Jae slid the cake closer to him. “I got your favorite, strawberry shortcake.”

“How did you know it was my favorite?” Brian asked as he picked up a fork and took a bite. He couldn’t help but groan into the cake. It was the best cake he ever had in his life. He missed the way Jae watched him lovingly.

“You mentioned it about a week ago, when I was complaining about the weird cake flavored syrups we got in.”

“O-oh yeah…” Brian had completely forgotten about that. He blushed and offered Jae a bite of the cake to cover his embarrassment. Jae leaned forward and took the bite of cake off Brian’s fork, never breaking eye contact.

He liked seeing Brian blush.

“Do you have to give it to your editor in person?”

“No, she hates hard copies. She reads everything on her dumb ipad and write notes with her stupid fancy pen.” Brian laughed, the embarrassment gone.

“Are you ready to send it in?” Jae leaned in a little closer.

“I think so,” Brian didn’t notice the sudden lack of space between them. Yet. “I spent all last night doing a last minute edit but I’m sure I missed something.”

“That’s your editor’s job though, right? To edit?”

“That’s true… I guess I can send it into her now.” Brian said, anxiety bubbling in his chest. It wasn’t a bad anxiety, more like the kind you felt right before the roller coaster car tipped over the drop.

He opened a new message and attached the document. He wrote a short message, telling her when he was free to meet to discuss the next step.

His fingers hovered over the send button. Suddenly, a warm hand covered his and pressed the send button for him. He turned to Jae, shocked, only to feel warm lips on his own.

Brian closed his eyes and smiled. It was even better than in his dreams.

“Congrats Younghyun,” Jae whispered against his mouth. “You did it.”

“Thanks to you,” Brian felt light headed. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone.”

“I just gave you a little nudge. All that writing and thought and planning? That was all you. You did it.”

“Thank you.” Brian leaned in and kissed Jae again. Jae leaned in, lacing their fingers together under the table.

* * *

  
“Welcome back!” Sungjin said with a grin.

“Good to be back,” Jae answered, throwing his arm over the younger boy’s shoulders. “I love visiting home and all, but I forgot how… much LA can be sometimes.”

“We’ve missed you. Three weeks without Jae might sound like a blessing but work was so boring I wanted to let the steamer melt my brains.”

“Aw, did Jinnie miss his hyungie?” Jae teased, poking his friend’s cheek.

“Now I remember why I was so excited for you to go.” Sungjin grumbled, but Jae knew Sungjin really was glad to see him again.

“Hey, have you heard anything from Brian?” Jae asked, suddenly getting serious.

“Brian? Not really, no,” Sungjin said with a slight frown. “He hasn’t been in for a while. I know his phone broke, but I haven’t gotten the chance to get his new number. Now that I think about it, I don’t think anyone’s really heard from him. Dowoon’s usually with him more often than not but he’s been spending a lot of time with me and Pillie.”

“Huh…” Jae felt…. Deflated. Brain’s phone breaking gave some excuse to why he never responded to any messages while Jae was away, but it’s been weeks and he still hadn’t heard anything from the other.

Jae put on his apron and went to work, trying to get back into the swing of work. He caught himself looking at a familiar table a few times and felt his heart sink each time it was empty.

* * *

  
“Can you believe it ended up being a gay romance?” One girl asked her friend. It was spring, almost three months since Jae had seen Brian. Not that he was counting.

“I’m surprised they published it, but I’m glad they did.” her friend said.

“There’s going to be a book signing event soon,” The first girl said, her voice colored with excitement. “Apparently no one’s seen the author since the book was published.”

“That’s weird… do you think something happened?”

“I dunno, but the dedication makes me wonder.” She opened the book and the cover art caught Jae’s attention. It was a man holding a mask up to his face, half his real face showing with the other half covered. The mask was metallic - rusted and worn, while the man’s face was soft and sad. His hair was blond with dark roots, and he was wearing round glasses. Jae felt his stomach flip.

“Excuse me, but who wrote that book?” He asked the girls, who jumped at suddenly being spoken to.

“Kang Younghyun,” The first girl said, offering her copy for Jae to look at. “He’s one of my favorite authors.”

All Jae had to do was read the first line of the back cover to know that yes, it was indeed his Kang Younghyun. This was the book he helped Brian write.

“May I?” he asked before opening it. She nodded and he flicked through a few pages, skimming familiar sentences. He flipped to the front and looked for the dedication.

_This book wouldn’t have been possible without someone special to me. If he ever reads this, I want him to know that there was so much I wished I could have given him but I couldn’t. Not yet at least. Jae, thank you. For helping me realize something about myself that I’ve been afraid of confronting._

“Y-you said there was a book signing?” Jae’s voice wavered. It made sense. Why Brian was able to write those awful things so easily, why he seemed hesitant to get close to Jae… Why he disappeared.

“Yeah, I think it’s Friday at three, down at that small bookshop across from the big train station.”

“Thanks… enjoy the rest of your day,” He told them faintly before going and calling his manager. “I need off Friday. It’s important.”

* * *

  
“Hyung, you have to get up. You have that book signing at three.” Dowoon knocked on Brian’s bedroom door but didn’t get a response. Dowoon sighed and realized what he had to do. He had hoped he never had to do this again, but things rarely stay better.

He jiggled the doorknob, glad Brian always forgot to replace it. The lock clicked and the door swung open. The room was pitch black, the only sound coming from a small fan in the open window. Dowoon flicked on the light and went over to the bed, where a lump was wiggling under the blanket.

“Hyung, you need to shower and eat,” Dowoon coached gently. Last time Brian got this bad, he forgot to eat for days, and didn’t shower for longer. He stayed in his bed, unresponsive to anyone. “I bought some groceries. I can make lunch when you clean up. Does that sound good?”

“Go away.” Brian said, his voice hoarse from not being used in days. Dowoon felt a spark of hope. Before, Brian was completely nonverbal. Even a scathing response was better than no response at all.

“Get up so I can wash your sheets. You smell like shit.” Dowoon grabbed the blanket and easily pulled it away from the older boy. He saw Brian’s face for the first time and dropped the blanket with a gasp.

“Fine…” Brian grumbled, not looking at his friend as he sat up.

“Fuck hyung… what happened?” Dowoon whispered in horror. Brian’s face was a mess. His right eye was blackened, but the bruise was already yellowing around the edges. His split lip was scabbed and healing but still looked painful. Dowoon could even see some dried blood in his hairline.

“Nothing.” he tried pushing past his friend, who forced him to sit again.

“This isn’t nothing! What happened?” Dowoon pushed. He saw Brian’s eyes fill with tears but this was too far. He wasn’t going to let Brian hold this in anymore.

“My dad… he got a copy of my book,” Brian said quietly. Dowoon had never heard the older boy sound so small or broken. “He called me home… I didn’t know why. He never does so I thought maybe someone was sick or hurt… he said he was disgusted by me, by the things I wrote about. He said that- that he didn’t raise me to be fuckin faggot… He took my phone and broke it. The only reason he didn’t break anything else was because my mom stepped in and stopped him.”

“Oh my god… hyung, why didn’t you tell anyone? I would have taken care of you-”

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything. I came home after that and didn’t move. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I thought maybe if I didn’t move, I’d finally die.”

“You can’t die hyung, I need you,” Dowoon fought back tears. “Wonpil needs you and- and Sungjin and everyone else. You’re so important to so many people.”

“Why am I so fucked up?” Brian whispered, tears running down the bruising of his cheeks.

“You’re not fucked up hyung,” Dowoon tugged his friend so Brian’s head was resting on his shoulder. “You didn’t do a single thing wrong. Your dad is the fucked up one.”

“Jae probably hates me now…” Brian started crying full out. “I- I wanted to ask him out after everything was settle with the publishing, but he wasn’t at the cafe anymore. They said he went home to visit his family so I was going to wait until he got back but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the apartment. My book was finished, and all motivation to do anything just vanished… then a few days ago my dad- I got a new phone but I lost his number and I just… I couldn’t face him after what happened.”

“He doesn’t hate you hyung,” Dowoon coaxed Brian to stand and walk towards the bathroom. “He’s confused, but he doesn’t hate you. Here, you shower and I’ll wash your sheets, okay? After you eat we can call Pillie over to help with some makeup?”

“Okay…” Brian agreed quietly, letting Dowoon pull him like a child would their mother.

* * *

  
Brian’s cheeks hurt. The bruising was hidden by the concealer, but all the fake smiling he’s been doing made everything sore. He hadn’t expected the signing to be so big, but the small shop was packed to the gills.

“Thank you, for writing this,” A young girl said shyly. “We- we don’t get a lot of representation, especially in books.” She laced her hand with the girl standing next to her and Brian understood.

“It’s hard, having to hide,” He said carefully, not wanting to irritate his split lip. “But hopefully someday we won’t have to.”

The girl’s eyes glittered at his use of ‘we’ and she bowed before thanking him again and moving away for the next person.

“Brian… you look like shit.” A familiar voice said. Brian’s head shot up and he felt tears instantly run down his face.

“Jae-”

“You know, you could have just talked to me… I would have- oh fuck, what happened to your face?” Jae looked panicked. Brian reached up and realized his tears started to wash away the makeup. He knew if he were to look in a mirror, he’d seen purple streaks under an otherwise flawless complexion.

“Had a nice one on one talk with my dad about my sexuality,” He chuckled humorlessly, unable to look Jae in the eye. “Turns out, me being gay wasn’t what he wanted.”

“Oh god Younghyun…” Jae cupped Brian’s cheek gently and Brian felt himself leaning into the touch.

“The books signing is done in an hour,” Brian said, sitting up and shaking his head a little. “If you wouldn’t mind waiting a little bit…”

“Of course, I’d wait however long you need,” Jae smiled softly and Brian’s chest sparked. He forgot how safe Jae made him feel. “But before that, could I get my book signed? I’ve heard it’s pretty good, and that the author is pretty cute.” Brian was shocked for a second before laughing for the first time in weeks.

“Sure,” He said through his chuckles. “Who should I make it out to, huh?”

“Hmm, write it out to ‘My Jaebird’.” He winked. Brian blushed but started writing.

 _“To My Jaebird_ ,” he started with a smile. _“Thank you, for everything. Without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. You’re pretty cute yourself. I know this cute cafe were we could get some coffee.” He signed it with his number under. When Jae opened his book to read the inscription, he flushed and grinned._

“I’ll be over here.” he said, moving to sit with Dowoon. Brian smiled and nodded to him before turning his attention to Wonpil, who was fussing over his makeup. As the younger fluttered around him, Brian couldn’t help but glance over at Jae, who he just happened to make eye contact with every time he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say a cute fic without sadness? I LIED! IT'S SAD ANYWAYS HAHA 
> 
> Anyway, my next fic is (probably) going to be a stray kids one, followed by a BTS fic! i have both planned out in my journal, so all I have to do is actually get my but into gear and write them!

**Author's Note:**

> What is this? A fic that doesn't involve depression, suicide and general unpleasant topics? Well don't get used to it because the next fic I have planned is going to be plenty angsty to make up for how cute this one is going to be.


End file.
